Who says Brett Favre is the only Diva in town these days?!

 

Judging by the hordes of females roaming the Village on Tuesday night, there are a LOT of Divas right here in Tosa. They were there en masse to participate in Diva Night in the Village.

 

Diva night was an evening of shopping, wine and summer desserts hosted by several village merchants. The first Diva night was held in February. Tuesday’s glorious summer weather was the perfect backdrop for this semi-annual girls’ night out.

 

A couple of weeks ago, my friend sent an e-mail to a few of us asking who wanted to be a Diva for a night. Honestly, I didn’t expect very much. For me, it was a good excuse for a night out with my friends. Throw in the fact that it was within walking distance of my house and that sealed the deal.

 

We met at Vino 100 at around 6:30 pm and the placed was PACKED. We snagged a coveted patio table and caught up on news and such with each other. Honestly, we considered foregoing the Diva "walk," where you carried a card and visited 8 of 14 stores for an opportunity to enter your name in a drawing for prizes. But curiosity prevailed and we hit the streets with cards in hand.

 

Village merchants that participated in Diva Night included: Vino 100, Magnolia & Co., French Country Pine & Design, Underwood Gallery, Oro di Oliva, Magpie Jewelry, Little Read Book, Juxt Home and Baby, Blue Lapin, Jilly and George, Urban Laundry, and Salamander. (Sorry - I knew that I missed a few!)

 

All of the merchants opened their doors, displayed their wares and offered food and drinks. Although I live very close to some of these retailers, there were several I had never visited. Diva Night was a great opportunity to check out some new places like Oro di Oliva and some old places that were new to me – Magpie Jewelry.

 

Judging by the conversations that were floating through the streets and businesses, Diva Night was a great success. Many women commented on how they will definitely be returning to these establishments when they have a little more time to shop. Now that’s music to the ears of any business!

 

Bravo to the organizers of Diva Night and especially to Vino 100, which served as the event headquarters both before and after the walk. Here’s hoping there will be many more Diva Nights to come!

 

 

It’s not perfect, but I think Summerfest is one of the very best tourist draws to our city. Based on the amount of Cubs and Bears apparel I saw wandering the grounds, lots of folks agree. I have always been a huge fan of Summerfest. Growing up in and around Chicago, Summerfest was one of my first introductions to the city of Milwaukee. After moving here, I fondly remember being pregnant and sitting on the rickety wooden plank benches of the old main stage watching Stevie Ray Vaughan. I’ve never been one to dance on picnic tables but I’ve almost always enjoyed my ‘Fest experiences.

 

Here are some of my random Summerfest musings:

 

- I much prefer any of the smaller stages to the Marcus Amphitheater which has, in my opinion, some of the worst acoustics of any venue in town. And that includes The Bradley Center.

 

- This year’s lineup of bands seemed refreshingly diverse – something to please almost everyone….at least in our house!

 

- I have only experienced human gridlock twice in my life. (The phenomenon where you’re walking and then suddenly nobody can move.) The first time was at Epcot Center on New Year’s Eve. The second time was July 3rd at 11:30 pm outside the Miller Oasis Stage. Pretty scary.

 

- Note to self: The base of the Miller Oasis sign is possibly the worst meeting place in all of Summerfest. Why? Because 10,000 other people are meeting at that exact same spot at that exact same time.

 

- I’m all for introducing young kids to the joys of live music, but I’m almost to the point of suggesting that no children under the age of 10 should be allowed after 8pm. For example, I can’t begin to count the number of infants I saw at 11:30 pm. 11:30 pm. Seriously. What were those parents thinking?

 

- Although I wouldn’t want one for myself, I’ve become reluctantly accepting of tattoos. Not so much with some of the piercings that I saw. Especially the one where you create a hole in your earlobe large enough to drive an SUV through. I can’t help thinking, what will that look like when that person is 70 years old? Ick.

 

- I hate to give away a secret, but the Usinger’s sausage garden on the far north end of the grounds is the most peaceful place to grab an authentic Milwaukee meal. Good food, lots of space to sit and surprisingly quiet.

 

- The Big Bang Fireworks, which we could clearly see from the Zippo Rock Stage on Thursday night, were strangely endless. Did they have leftovers from last year? There were two finales. Two. It made me realize that there is such a thing as too many fireworks.

 

- One of the most entertaining stages (even if it’s not my favorite style of music) is the Cascio Interstate stage outside the Marcus Amphitheater. It’s a teeny tent with a light pole directly in front of the stage. The kids performing heavy metal and punk have more energy and enthusiasm than you’ll see on any other stage. Plus, watching the head bobs of the small audience is oddly mesmerizing.

 

- Good news: I do not have ADHD. That is according to the test I took at the ADHD tent near the south end of the grounds. I cannot quite wrap my head around why such an exhibit was needed, but I’m glad to know that I can cross that worry off my list.

 

- Summerfest Pull Tabs = Possibly the worst use of your festival dollars.

 

- One of the best places to listen to music is at the U.S. Cellular stage. Sure, the music is pretty good, but reading the texts that people send to the giant screen next to the stage can be just as amusing. Some of my favorites: “U R Staring at a giant screen.” And “If U R cute, look left.” (Everyone looked left after reading this.) However, this is not a place to find good spelling.

 

- If you have to park in Lot P on the far south end of the grounds, try to leave early. My friends and I were stuck in gridlock after leaving a 10pm show. It took us 90 minutes to get back to Tosa.

 

- One of the oddest promotional sights was the KC Masterpiece Barbecue Sauce stain removal beanbag toss (or something like that) outside the Marcus prior to the Tim McGraw concert. That’s what I’m thinking about when I go to Summerfest – stain removal.

 

- I was consistently impressed by the pleasant demeanor of virtually every Summerfest employee that I encountered. I cannot fathom being that friendly for 11 days.

 

- The new Harley stage is amazing. I can’t help but wonder if the folks at Miller are a little jealous.

 

Got any Summerfest thoughts? Leave a comment and share your thoughts, criticisms or quirky sightings. See you next year at the ‘Fest!

 

There’s a brief but interesting discussion on the Tosa Town Square about watching fireworks on TV. This is something that fascinates me, for no good reason except that I have a strong opinion on the topic.

 

Here’s the thing: I love fireworks. I love TV. (Sad, but true.) So, you would think that combining two of my favorite things would make a new thing that I would like even better. Not so much.

 

I believe that fireworks should never be shown on TV. Never. They just don’t work. To me, fireworks on TV seem like a great idea. You don’t have to battle crowds, look for a spot to sit, or soak yourself in bug spray.* You can sit in your comfy, perhaps air-conditioned, house and enjoy the show.

 

The thing is, there’s nothing less-fulfilling than watching fireworks on TV. Except perhaps watching taped Olympics coverage when you know the results. (Don’t worry. I’ll get on that soapbox later in the summer.) I have no interest in what Mike and Carol think about the fireworks. Zero. In fact, they annoy me to no end.

 

To truly enjoy a fireworks show, you have to earn it. You have to search for parking. You have to lug and carry stuff until you’re sweating. You have to try to get comfortable. And then, hardest of all, you have to wait. And if you have young children, you have to listen to the endless questions and whiny cries: “What time is it?” “When will they start?” “I’m bored!” “I have to go to the bathroom.”

 

But when the fireworks start…when you feel that first gigantic percussion resonate in your chest…it’s so worthwhile.

 

And I agree with the citizens on the Town Square. Skip the music, unless by music you mean the chorus of “oohs” and “ahhs” that you can’t avoid joining in on.

 

While I have your ear, let’s talk a little fireworks etiquette:

 

(1) Leave Fido at home. I’ve seen far too many cowering, trembling pooches at the Tosa fireworks every year. The dogs do not look happy and their owners are clearly not enjoying themselves.

(2) Leave the sparklers at home. Sparklers in your backyard – good idea. Sparklers in a giant crowd of people – very bad idea.

(3) Unless you’re joining in the Oohs and Ahhs Chorus, please don’t talk over my fireworks. It’s only about 30 minutes. Feel free to chat before or after. Definitely not during.

(4) Wait to leave or be nice. The crowds are going to be HUGE. You may as well take your time leaving or accept that it will take you a while. Honking or getting irritated adds nothing to the equation.

 

Here’s wishing everyone a Happy and SAFE 4^th of July! See you at the fireworks!

 

*In my last post, I talked about the shortage of bug spray at local stores. A visit yesterday to the Walgreens at Hwy 100 and North Ave. proved me totally wrong. They had lots of bug spray. Just in time for the fireworks!

So...I know this college kid from Tosa. And he’s doing a project this summer. No, he’s not painting the house or fixing a car. He’s creating a musical.

 

That’s right. I said a musical. And to do it, he’s writing and recording one song a day for 40 days. He wants you to come along on this tuneful journey. Bookmark his website and get a front row seat to this local creation. You can comment or maybe even give him some ideas. I’m in…are you?

 

OK, full disclosure. I know this kid really well. I still think it’s worth checking in on his progress. It could be fun…..

The other day, I had the good fortune to hear about some new books from two representatives of Harry W. Schwartz Bookshop. If there’s one thing you know about me, it’s that I have an addiction to buying books. It is rare that I will enter a bookstore and leave empty-handed. For me, it is like walking into a kitchen and being faced with freshly baked brownies and cookies. I cannot resist!

 

Anyway, many good suggestions were made. One in particular made an impression and so I bought it. It’s a small book called Not Quite What I Was Planning. It is, simply, a collection of six-word memoirs. That’s right. I said SIX WORD MEMOIRS. You might be asking yourself, how can this be?

 

The answer is that it’s based on the legend that Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in six words. Here is what he wrote: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Wow. Pretty powerful stuff, isn’t it? And that’s the premise. It is possible to say a lot with very little. In fact, it’s even fun.

 

The book is chock-full of these gems. Here are a few:

 

“Liars, hysterectomy didn’t improve sex life!” – Joan Rivers

“I still make coffee for two.” – Zak Nelson

“Fifteen years since last professional haircut.” – Dave Eggers

“Nobody cared, then they did. Why?” – Chuck Klosterman

 

There are more…many more. Those are just a few from the back cover alone. The book has six-word memoirs from famous and unknown authors alike. Some are silly. Some are sad or poignant. Some are brilliant.

 

So like the cookies, brownies and this book, I couldn’t resist. I had to try it myself. My life summed up in six words. Let me tell you that this exercise truly illustrates that less is more…work that is. It’s easy to be verbose and very difficult to be concise and descriptive all at the same time.

 

And although I don't come close to Hemingway, here is mine: “Saw some stuff. Tried acting otherwise.” That’s it. I won’t explain it because it’s all there.

 

How about you, dear readers? Will you share your six-word memoir with me? Go ahead, right here in the comments. I promise it’s fun!

 

Oh and if you’re totally addicted, you can join Schwartz on Downer’s Six-Word Slam on April 25^th. "Six words about you. Great fun!" (See! I did it again!) 

 

I can’t stand this winter, not one moment more.

I’m throwing in the towel, the shovel and the door.

I’ve had it with snow, there’s just no room to throw it.

Our snowblower's great, but there’s nowhere to blow it.

My back, neck and arms ache from hoisting the snow.

Sure, the plows and chiropractors are making big dough.

The cold is persistent, there’s not an end in sight.

Each day takes an effort, no scratch that, a fight!

Our cabin fever has reached an all-time high.

We’re all going crazy, we’d all like to cry.

The ice dams are growing, the icicles are scary.

The path to my front door is treacherous and hairy.

My sidewalks and car sport a layer of salt.

There’s no point in this whining. It’s nobody’s fault.

Still I can’t help complaining. It helps when I vent.

I point to the heavens and ask someone to relent!

I’m tired of slipping and sliding on ice.

It’s hard to be upbeat, when you’ve fallen once or twice.

No, grouchy’s the way I will still stay until summer.

There’s no doubt about it, this winter’s a BUMMER!

 

 Do you feel safer today? I thought so. Me too. Yes, folks, the crack TSA team at New York’s LaGuardia airport has spared all of you from a potential disaster – me transporting toothpaste into Milwaukee. Let me explain.

 

My family and I just returned from a short trip to New York City. Great town. Huge crowds, Broadway, miles of walking. Everyone should visit at least once in their life. You should see the sandwich that $20 can buy! You think the prices at John’s Sandwich Shop have gone up? Try Times Square. Gulp.

 

Anyway, like all good travelers, we all tried our best to abide by the new regulations as determined by the Transportation Security Administration. We carefully packed and filled our quart-size Ziploc bags with any carry-on liquids that were three ounces or less…or so I thought.

 

(Side note: At LaGuardia, you actually check your bags at the ticket counter and they take them from you. Right there. You don’t roll them to the giant x-ray machine nearby. It’s blissfully old-school.)

 

As we got in line for the security check, the line slowed down as they were x-raying my carry-on items. Sort of like that Visa commercial where that one guy tries to use cash – the nerve!

 

“Ma’am, is this your toothpaste?” the screener asked.

 

“Why, yes it is,” I replied, easily recognizing the Colgate Sensitive Teeth with Whitening action that I’ve come to know and love.

 

“It’s too big,” he explained. “If you want to take it with you, you’ll have to check it.”

 

You know how sometimes people offer you a choice that seems simple and yet absurd all at the same time? Yes, this was my moment, or my “now” as Jordin Sparks would describe it. (American Idol reference for those of you that don’t watch crappy TV.)

 

“Toss it,” I boldly proclaimed. And he did, along with the seemingly very expensive cologne belonging to the guy in front of me.

 

So there. You have been spared the potential hazards of me and my renegade Colgate entering the Milwaukee area. But be forewarned: Tomorrow, I’m going to buy more.

 

Happy New Year, everyone!

It's Christmas Day and I found everyone. I mean everyone. This afternoon and tonight, they are at the Majestic Cinema in Brookfield. While the rest of the world is hanging out in living rooms and dining rooms celebrating this very special holiday, several hundred of us packed one of the 16 movie theatres just west of Wauwatosa.

This time, our family did it in style. Last week, we purchased VIP seating (you have to go to the box office) for the afternoon showing of National Treasure 2 - Book of Secrets shown on the Ultra Screen. It was pretty cool. Along with the price of admission ($11.50 before 5:30 pm, $14.50 after 5:30 pm), each of us got a sizeable bucket of popcorn and reserved seats in the front row of the VIP section. We were able to choose our seats and they were waiting for us when we arrived. It was really cool, especially since the show was sold out.

The movie was fun - great for families, but sharp enough to entertain even the most cynical teens.

It's been a great Christmas Day. Enjoy your celebrations, everyone!

A couple of years ago, I joined The Milwaukee Art Museum. After gazing at, admiring and falling in love with Calatrava-designed wing, I decided it was important to support this local treasure. Although I probably only go there once or twice a year (shhh, don’t tell my husband), I like to know that I have a stunningly beautiful destination to bring out-of-town guests. It never fails to impress.

 

Every time I go to the Milwaukee Art Museum, hands down, my favorite exhibit is Tony Oursler's "MMPI (Self-Portrait in Yellow)" from 1996. In fact, anyone who has visited the museum with me has been dragged to see this bizarre and quirky exhibit.

 

It doesn’t do justice to describe MMPI (lovingly referred to as “The Guy with the Chair on His Head”), but I’ll try. There’s a small doll on its side. There is a folding chair resting on his head. Projected onto the doll’s face is a video of a man talking. The man is reciting answers to a mental health test that was commonly given in the 1950s.

 

Today, I read in the paper, that MMPI will be put in storage for a while to make room for other exhibits. I’m kind of sad about that. There’s apparently a Facebook group created to express outrage. David Gordon, the museum’s director and CEO, heard about the Facebook group and basically said, it’s great to hear that we feel so passionately about a piece of art. In fact, the shelving of MMPI will make room for another old favorite – Stanley Landsman's Walk-In Infinity Chamber. 

I guess that’s OK. The Chamber looks pretty cool as well and I can appreciate freshening up the exhibits from time to time. That’s what makes a good museum. But don’t expect me to love The Chamber as much as I love MMPI…at least not at first.

Have you been to the Art Museum? Why not? There’s nothing better on a cold day when the kids are off of school and you can’t stand hearing the television for another minute. Or, if you don’t bring the kids (cuz it’s a teeny bit fancy), enjoy the world-class artwork and then treat yourself to lunch at Coast afterwards. The popovers are amazing!

OK, fine! It’s time – go ahead and bask in the glow of holiday excess! Listen to Christmas music 24 hours a day. Sleep to the sounds of WMYX. Soak it in and indulge.

 

In fact, despite my recently revealed Scrooginess, I’ll share with you several of my favorite things during the Christmas season. Maybe you won't think I’m completely green with Grinch-i-tude:

 

Christmas movies – I’m very particular and there are only a few that I can stand to watch. Of course I love It’s a Wonderful Life, but I always save that one for Christmas Eve. I’m very partial to A Christmas Carol starring Alistair Sims. Nobody does it better…nobody. But for a more contemporary take, here are just a few more recent seasonal flicks that I love: Home Alone 1 and 2 (I can’t decide which is better), The Family Stone (funny, sad, quirky – too much to love). Hands down, my absolute favorite Christmas movie ever is…Elf. If you watch this and don’t smile and laugh, well, then there’s something wrong with you. And yes, you can watch it with the kids.

 

Christmas music – It might suprise you to know that I actually love Christmas music and have a few favorite albums: “Vince Guaraldi Trio – A Charlie Brown Christmas” (classic, simply classic.) “David Lanz – Christmas Eve” (gently beautiful) and the soundtrack from, you guessed it – “Elf.” (If you don’t fall in love with the Leon Redbone/Zoey Deschanel duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” then you’re cold inside!) Then there are a few holiday nuggets on an old Billboard Christmas album, including “We Need a Little Christmas,” “Riu Chiu” and “Welcome Christmas” from How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

 

Christmas food – Egg nog. My mother-in-law’s recipe for egg nog should be illegal. It’s so good you need a spoon to get every last drop. Sugar cookies – as long as they’re thin and crispy, then they are like a slice of heaven. Beef Wellington – my mom’s recipe is surprisingly easy and amazingly delicious. It’s become our little Christmas tradition.

 

Christmas gifts – well, I don’t know about you, but I got my first one today in the form of a brand-new recyclable cart. I have only once minor complaint. Isn’t this promotion of “The Bee Movie” going a little far?

 

 

Now that our brand-spankin’ new recycling program is about to debut, some of us will be left with a few extra Tosa Blue Recycling Bags. The question is, what to do with these high-priced, indestructible, indigo sacks?

 

I spent a few minutes thinking (yes, that’s what that noise was this morning) and here’s what I’ve come up with:

 

A Sleeping Bag Bag – If your kids use their sleeping bags for sleepovers, inevitably, the bags get lost. Not the sleeping bags – no, the outer bags. I’ve tried large trash bags, but they tend to rip easily. Tosa Blue Bags are perfect for this task.

 

A Halloween Costume – Already thinking ahead to next year and wishing you had something that was “old school” and could be appreciated by both adults and children? Why not don that Bright Blue Tosa Bag and go as a…SMURF?! Yes, that’s right, you’ll be wildly popular and manage to humiliate your children at the same time.

 

New Year’s Eve Décor – Why not channel Martha Stewart and use several Tosa Blue Bags as a festive holiday tablecloth?! That’s right – take several bags, cut them open and then tape them together until you’ve adequately covered the table. Then, when the meal is all done, you can throw everything away, including the tablecloth! The brilliant blue color accents the starry, starry night. Awww…..

 

Blue is the New Luggage – Are you tired of waiting forever to get through airport security? Use your leftover Tosa Blue Bags next time you pack for a trip. There’ll be no need to x-ray your bags because they can see right through them! You’ll be first in line at the gate, as well as the center of attention in the terminal.

 

Cozy and Blue – Is your Nesco Roaster getting dusty sitting down in the basement? Does your turkey fryer have that unique smell of lawnmower gasoline from sitting in the garage? Why not display these appliances proudly in your kitchen. Use the Tosa Blue Bags as Cozies so that your roaster and your fryer can sit proudly on your countertop, year-round. What could be more attractive?

 

Project Blue Runway - You know that Vera Wang had to start somewhere. Why not be the Wauwatosa Wang (wait, that doesn't sound good) and use a Tosa Blue Bag to design the next big fashion statement?! A Tosa Blue Bag, cinched at the waist would make a darling skirt when paired with a pretty lace slip. Or how about a blue cape that can double as a rain shawl? Go ahead - think outside the bag!

 

So what will you do with your extra Tosa Blue Recycling Bags?

  

 

 

Millie (see above) and I took a walk on this splendid, picture-perfect, day. She had a lot on her mind. Here are some things that she was wondering:

 

Millie wonders why some dogs walk their owners versus the other way around. How can that be fun with all the pulling and choking going on?

 

Millie wonders why the bike path/walking path for Menomonee River Parkway begins at the Harmonee Bridge and ends prior to Swan Boulevard. Did they think that people would be too tired to continue?

 

Millie wonders why some people bike, run or walk on the left side of the path.

 

Millie wonders why parking is allowed on both sides of the parkway when soccer games are being played. It seems so dangerous with so many kids running in between cars and across the road and people getting in their cars with little regard for traffic.

 

Millie wonders why I wouldn’t let her consume the old breadstick that she found on the sidewalk.

 

Millie wonders why drivers in Tosa interpret stop signs as “slow down” signs and roll through intersections.

 

Millie wonders if the street repairs at the corner of Milwaukee Avenue and Wauwatosa Avenue will ever be finished.

 

Millie wonders why the Root Commons Park (area in front of Drews) is called the Root Commons Park.

 

Millie wonders if any Tosa mayoral candidates have a chance against joeythelovesponge.

 

Millie wonders if we realize how lucky we are to have Ray’s here in Tosa with its amazing wine selection and knowledgeable staff.

 

Millie wonders if that store near 92^nd and North is really called Wallpaper Wallpaper.

 

Millie wonders if the Times Cinema will ever invest in slightly more comfortable seating to match the great films and great ownership.

 

Millie wonders if The Firefly will ever expand its menu and if it will ever be open for lunch.

 

Millie wonders if and when the new recycling program will start in Tosa and if many of us will get stuck with extra blue bags when it does.

 

Millie wonders why we all can’t just have trick or treat on Halloween (a.k.a. October 31st) from now on.

 

Millie wonders whether your pet is wondering anything about Wauwatosa.....? 

 

Since our brains are all fried from voting (nice turnout, Tosa!) and watching election results, here's something totally frivolous and fun. G'head and try it!

YOUR AGE BY RESTAURANT MATH

It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you HAVE already had your birthday this year add 1756.

If you HAVEN'T add 1755.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number of how many times you want to go out to a restaurant in a week.

The next two numbers are:

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2006) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS!

The recent flap in the Journal Sentinel about Wikipedia and the Lake Express made us all realize that if you say anything loud enough and in a public place, somebody will believe it. Although it calls itself a “free encyclopedia built collaboratively,” Wikipedia is merely a place for know-it-alls or know-a-little-bits to spout off, with little or no repercussion.

So, I was thinking, hmm....what exactly would Wikipedia say about Wauwatosa? Well, we have our own, nice little page. Well, maybe nice isn’t really the operative word, mostly because the main photo on the Wauwatosa Wikipedia Page (say that five times fast) is of “Municipal Tank No. 5.” Yes, if there’s a tourist out there who actually consults Wikipedia for travel information, they’ll see a photo of one of our lovely blue water towers. What surprised me is that there are 5 of these behemoths in our fair city. Who knew? Well, besides the Water Department, that is.

You also find out from Wikipedia that we are what is known as an Edge City, which does not mean we favor a certain brand of shaving cream, but rather that we are a relatively new concentration of business, shopping and entertainment outside a traditional urban area.

According to the Wikipedia Wauwatosa page, there are two main points of interest: The Anunciation Greek Church and the Library/City Hall Building. Apparently, everything else is what makes us so “edgy.”

There is some brief historical information, which may or may not be accurate and there is also this bit of trivia: One of the world's first airliners constructed by Alfred Lawson and Vincent Brunelli took its maiden flight in 1919 from what is now Currie Park. Hope those beautiful blue water towers didn’t get in the way!

So, if you fancy yourself a Wauwatosa historian, I guess you can feel free to head over to the Wikepedia Wauwatosa Page and edit to your heart’s content. And while you’re at it, why not put a picture of something, anything more attractive than Municipal Tank No. 5.

Yesterday, over my morning cup of coffee, I was surprised and interested to read that Wauwatosa has at least one prostitute living in our midst. Gosh, this gives new meaning to the term “bedroom community,” doesn’t it?

Could it be that our fancy new crossing signals were installed because we do have a “red light district”? And if we do, do you think their assessments went up too? Just imagine the conversation that went on at City Hall over that piece of property! (“Seriously, business has been down this year....”)

And could it be that this one “lady of the evening” puts the Fest in TosaFest? Sakes alive! It’s no wonder that our “National Night Out” is so darn popular!

Hey, now that I think about it, never mind the window displays, maybe this is Victoria’s Secret. Gee, we've always had a lot of runners, strollers and bike riders, but street walkers?!

We in Wauwatosa have always prided ourselves on our efforts to preserve history and now we can boast that one of our residents is practicing the “world’s oldest profession.”

Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your wait staff.

- Why is it that when you use a credit or debit card at our Wauwatosa grocery stores, you have to press the credit or debit button AND tell the cashier whether you want credit or debit? Don’t they believe you when you press the buttons?

- Is there anything more fun than getting cash from an ATM with a British accent? Not for me, which is why I love using the ATM at the State Street Sentry store. “She” could say anything in that voice and I’d be charmed.

- When you get to a red light and there’s a sign that reads “No Turn On Red When Children Are Present,” do you find that you try to convince yourself that the small person on the bike is just petite and not a child?

- If you’ve ever had to give your address on the phone, do you sometimes say “Milwaukee” instead of “Wauwatosa” because it’s so much easier and you don’t have to repeat yourself?

- When out-of-towners ask for directions to your house, do you often send them a little out of their way because the middle of the village is way too confusing to explain?

- If you have a dog, do you wish that the plastic bags at Sendik’s on Pasadena and North were a lot less fancy?

- Do you sometimes wish that the employees at Zimmermann Design Group with their “ZDG” license plates would park further away so that you could get one of those great angled spots?

- Are you secretly a little bit glad when you read in Milwaukee Magazine that Tosa isn’t the fastest growing suburb because then there’s more of it for us?

- Do you sometimes think about how many houses you could build on the giant, grassy field at Mount Mary College and then breathe a sigh of relief that it (hopefully) will never be done?

- Do you ignore the “No Dogs Allowed” signs on the parkway or pretend you didn't see them when you're walking your pooch? (It's OK. I do too.)

- I don’t know about you, but I can’t last much longer without Cranky Al’s. If you have a donut craving, there are substitutes, but will anything truly compare to donuts served with a few choice crusty comments? I think not.

A “source” tells me that there are some high jinx happening over in our Washington Highlands. It seems that adorable little Gnomes are popping up on doorsteps throughout the tony east side neighborhood. Without getting into a discussion of evolution versus creation, nobody seems to know from where these little fellas are sprouting. Is it a Travelocity promotion gone awry? Are they escapees from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? If you know who’s behind these mini creative capers, do tell! E-mail me at westsidestoriestosa@yahoo.com .