West Side Stories

So, pretty impressive, isn’t it? My name, right above Oprah’s face. Yeah, let’s just say I’ve got friends in high places…or not.

In case you can’t see it, it says: “Karen Waldkirch, if Oprah gave you a bunch of money, but you had to give it all away, what would you do?” Oh and there are probably at least several hundred other Tosa residents that got the exact same message in their issue of People Magazine. Oh snap.

The idea is to promote Oprah's new show called "The Big Give" which premieres Sunday, March 2nd on ABC. The premise is obvious and the idea intriguing. No doubt it'll be another tear-jerking blockbuster, a la "Extreme Home Makeover."

But it made me think…locally, rather than globally. If that Ms. W. gave this Mrs. W. a bunch of money, what would I do? After the obligatory mani and pedi, of course. (Hey, a girl’s gotta look good on the local news, right?)

But seriously, if I could only spend the money right here in Tosa, what would I do? Listen in while I daydream….

First, I’d bring back Drew’s…only better. How could I make Drew’s better except to have it come back in all its quirky glory? Well, I’d add a big old-fashioned Soda Fountain! Wouldn’t that just be the best?! I can see it now. Walking in on a hot summer day (remember what hot used to feel like?!), sliding up to a padded spinning stool and ordering a basket of fries and a chocolate malt. Pure bliss.

Secondly, I’d extend the bike path on the parkways from one end of Tosa to the other. No more jumping up on the curb to save your life once you hit Swan Boulevard.

Thirdly, how about a big, fat paving budget to eliminate the craters and sinkholes on our roadways? While we’re at it, more salt than the dead sea and more plows than Fairbanks, Alaska?! And along with the plows, there’d be a virtual SWAT team of “snow technicians” to jump out and dig out the sidewalks, driveways and front walks that get buried by the plows.

I’m sure I could go on, but why not let you, the readers, in on the fun? That’s why we have the snazzy comment feature. If my BFF (best friend forever, for the alphabetically-challenged), Oprah, gave you a bunch of money, how would YOU spend it in Tosa? And while we’re at it, maybe that’s a good question for our mayoral candidates!

Speak to me people!

I can’t stand this winter, not one moment more.

I’m throwing in the towel, the shovel and the door.

I’ve had it with snow, there’s just no room to throw it.

Our snowblower's great, but there’s nowhere to blow it.

My back, neck and arms ache from hoisting the snow.

Sure, the plows and chiropractors are making big dough.

The cold is persistent, there’s not an end in sight.

Each day takes an effort, no scratch that, a fight!

Our cabin fever has reached an all-time high.

We’re all going crazy, we’d all like to cry.

The ice dams are growing, the icicles are scary.

The path to my front door is treacherous and hairy.

My sidewalks and car sport a layer of salt.

There’s no point in this whining. It’s nobody’s fault.

Still I can’t help complaining. It helps when I vent.

I point to the heavens and ask someone to relent!

I’m tired of slipping and sliding on ice.

It’s hard to be upbeat, when you’ve fallen once or twice.

No, grouchy’s the way I will still stay until summer.

There’s no doubt about it, this winter’s a BUMMER!

I came upon an article in the Sunday paper about Rick Warren, the author of the blockbuster best-selling book, “A Purpose Driven Life.” Apparently, Mr. Warren has had a change of heart and is telling his flock to play nice.

According to the article, Warren now regrets an e-mail that he sent to 136,000 pastors prior to the 2004 election. That e-mail called for churches to focus on hot-button issues such as same-sex marriage, abortion and stem-cell research.

The article goes on to say that Warren now wants to promote “personal responsibility and restore civility in American culture.”

“I just think we’re becoming too rude,” he said. “You have no right to demonize someone just because you disagree with them.”

To that, I say – AMEN!

In the interest of full-disclosure, let me say that I hate politics. I don’t do yard signs and I don’t campaign for anyone. I prefer to keep my politics, or lack thereof, to myself.

Modern day politics are so rarely about issues and more often about money well-spent and verbal jabs well-aimed. To me, it’s like the sound of children fighting. We never get to the bottom of what they’re fighting about and we often miss the purpose of what they, and we, are fighting for. In fact, the more noise that politicians make, the less I tend to hear what they’re saying.

Let me also say that I hold very dearly the privilege, the honor and the right to vote in our elections. Men and women have given their lives so that we can freely vote. To ignore that is to dishonor those who have sacrificed.

It is February 2008. Soon, our state will be in the middle of a primary and will be under the spotlight of the nation. Shortly after that, Wauwatosa voters will choose a new mayor. With that in mind, I’m calling for a cease-fire.

No, I’m not saying you shouldn’t fight for what you believe in. I’m just asking you to fight fair. Leave the sarcasm, anger, name-calling and venom behind. Argue respectfully. Stop using terms like “flaming liberal” or “conservative shill.” Argue the issue, don’t attack the person.

Look, you don’t have to agree with Rick Warren’s politics or religion to appreciate his most recent message. No matter what side of the voting booth you stand on, it’s always nice to practice the golden rule.

For the first time ever, I sat and watched the entire Super Bowl and even some of the pre-game. No special reason. Just a quiet Sunday afternoon. You didn’t ask for it and you’re probably SO past it, but here are my unsolicited thoughts on Sunday’s Super Bowl:

I was interested, then shocked, then depressed by the commercial aired by TicketToHope.com, a.k.a. “12 Minutes to Die.” If you missed it, the commercial showed a businessman preparing for his workday. We’re told that he will die in 12 minutes. The good news is, he’s insured his family. The bad news is he hasn’t insured his soul. Wow.

I’m sorry, but what’s up with the faux dramatic recitation of the Declaration of Independence before the game? In 2002 (post 9/11), it made perfect sense. In 2008, it seemed overly staged. Oh wait. The Patriots were playing. I get it.

The Audi Godfather spot completely missed the mark. My first response was: “Huh?” Too bad. The car looks pretty cool.

I’m consistently entertained by the Fox network ads, especially those for House and Prison Break.

Paula, Paula, Paula…(insert snarky Simon comment here.) Honey, you should stay behind the desk. Really.

This just in – there was a wardrobe malfunction and it occurred on Bill Belichick. The dark lord of NFL coaches chose a bright red sweatshirt with hacked-off sleeves. I’m sorry, this man makes how much money? They can’t afford a tailor to create something slightly less sloppy? (Oh and a very unclassy move to leave before the game was over, Bill.)

Two commercial winners – Diet Pepsi Max and Bud Light. Even if every one of their ads wasn’t perfect, I’ll always stop what I’m doing and pay attention.

Two phrases that I’ll never use in my everyday conversation: “Curve the bullet” and “Silence the stain.” Still, it’s fun to think about the possibilities.

I think we knew the Patriots’ dynasty was in danger when we saw Gisele Bundchen, a.k.a. Tom Brady’s girlfriend, drinking wine in her luxury box. I’m sorry. That just seemed wrong.

The Planters Cashews “Unibrow” spot was creepy and hilarious. So was the E-Trade talking baby.

I know it’s my demographic and they did a decent job, but even I think that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers seemed like a stale choice for a halftime show. Seriously, did anyone believe that the fake fans that surrounded the stage had any idea who the bearded old man was? Note to the No Fun League: I think it’s safe to book someone a little more current.

Finally…the game. It was, undoubtedly, the best Super Bowl I have ever watched. I didn’t think I cared. But from the beginning, I decided that I was tired of the Patriots premature coronation as the best team ever. I cheered loudly and often for the Giants. Especially after Tom Brady snubbed Eli Manning pre-game. (Did you see it?) All in all, it was worth watching.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.