West Side Stories

A couple of years ago, I joined The Milwaukee Art Museum. After gazing at, admiring and falling in love with Calatrava-designed wing, I decided it was important to support this local treasure. Although I probably only go there once or twice a year (shhh, don’t tell my husband), I like to know that I have a stunningly beautiful destination to bring out-of-town guests. It never fails to impress.

Every time I go to the Milwaukee Art Museum, hands down, my favorite exhibit is Tony Oursler's "MMPI (Self-Portrait in Yellow)" from 1996. In fact, anyone who has visited the museum with me has been dragged to see this bizarre and quirky exhibit.

It doesn’t do justice to describe MMPI (lovingly referred to as “The Guy with the Chair on His Head”), but I’ll try. There’s a small doll on its side. There is a folding chair resting on his head. Projected onto the doll’s face is a video of a man talking. The man is reciting answers to a mental health test that was commonly given in the 1950s.

Today, I read in the paper, that MMPI will be put in storage for a while to make room for other exhibits. I’m kind of sad about that. There’s apparently a Facebook group created to express outrage. David Gordon, the museum’s director and CEO, heard about the Facebook group and basically said, it’s great to hear that we feel so passionately about a piece of art. In fact, the shelving of MMPI will make room for another old favorite – Stanley Landsman's Walk-In Infinity Chamber. 

I guess that’s OK. The Chamber looks pretty cool as well and I can appreciate freshening up the exhibits from time to time. That’s what makes a good museum. But don’t expect me to love The Chamber as much as I love MMPI…at least not at first.

OK, fine! It’s time – go ahead and bask in the glow of holiday excess! Listen to Christmas music 24 hours a day. Sleep to the sounds of WMYX. Soak it in and indulge.

In fact, despite my recently revealed Scrooginess, I’ll share with you several of my favorite things during the Christmas season. Maybe you won't think I’m completely green with Grinch-i-tude:

Christmas movies – I’m very particular and there are only a few that I can stand to watch. Of course I love It’s a Wonderful Life, but I always save that one for Christmas Eve. I’m very partial to A Christmas Carol starring Alistair Sims. Nobody does it better…nobody. But for a more contemporary take, here are just a few more recent seasonal flicks that I love: Home Alone 1 and 2 (I can’t decide which is better), The Family Stone (funny, sad, quirky – too much to love). Hands down, my absolute favorite Christmas movie ever is…Elf. If you watch this and don’t smile and laugh, well, then there’s something wrong with you. And yes, you can watch it with the kids.

Christmas music – It might suprise you to know that I actually love Christmas music and have a few favorite albums: “Vince Guaraldi Trio – A Charlie Brown Christmas” (classic, simply classic.) “David Lanz – Christmas Eve” (gently beautiful) and the soundtrack from, you guessed it – “Elf.” (If you don’t fall in love with the Leon Redbone/Zoey Deschanel duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” then you’re cold inside!) Then there are a few holiday nuggets on an old Billboard Christmas album, including “We Need a Little Christmas,” “Riu Chiu” and “Welcome Christmas” from How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Christmas food – Egg nog. My mother-in-law’s recipe for egg nog should be illegal. It’s so good you need a spoon to get every last drop. Sugar cookies – as long as they’re thin and crispy, then they are like a slice of heaven. Beef Wellington – my mom’s recipe is surprisingly easy and amazingly delicious. It’s become our little Christmas tradition.

Christmas gifts – well, I don’t know about you, but I got my first one today in the form of a brand-new recyclable cart. I have only once minor complaint. Isn’t this promotion of “The Bee Movie” going a little far?

Now that our brand-spankin’ new recycling program is about to debut, some of us will be left with a few extra Tosa Blue Recycling Bags. The question is, what to do with these high-priced, indestructible, indigo sacks?

I spent a few minutes thinking (yes, that’s what that noise was this morning) and here’s what I’ve come up with:

A Sleeping Bag Bag – If your kids use their sleeping bags for sleepovers, inevitably, the bags get lost. Not the sleeping bags – no, the outer bags. I’ve tried large trash bags, but they tend to rip easily. Tosa Blue Bags are perfect for this task.

A Halloween Costume – Already thinking ahead to next year and wishing you had something that was “old school” and could be appreciated by both adults and children? Why not don that Bright Blue Tosa Bag and go as a…SMURF?! Yes, that’s right, you’ll be wildly popular and manage to humiliate your children at the same time.

New Year’s Eve Décor – Why not channel Martha Stewart and use several Tosa Blue Bags as a festive holiday tablecloth?! That’s right – take several bags, cut them open and then tape them together until you’ve adequately covered the table. Then, when the meal is all done, you can throw everything away, including the tablecloth! The brilliant blue color accents the starry, starry night. Awww…..

Blue is the New Luggage – Are you tired of waiting forever to get through airport security? Use your leftover Tosa Blue Bags next time you pack for a trip. There’ll be no need to x-ray your bags because they can see right through them! You’ll be first in line at the gate, as well as the center of attention in the terminal.

Cozy and Blue – Is your Nesco Roaster getting dusty sitting down in the basement? Does your turkey fryer have that unique smell of lawnmower gasoline from sitting in the garage? Why not display these appliances proudly in your kitchen. Use the Tosa Blue Bags as Cozies so that your roaster and your fryer can sit proudly on your countertop, year-round. What could be more attractive?

Project Blue Runway - You know that Vera Wang had to start somewhere. Why not be the Wauwatosa Wang (wait, that doesn't sound good) and use a Tosa Blue Bag to design the next big fashion statement?! A Tosa Blue Bag, cinched at the waist would make a darling skirt when paired with a pretty lace slip. Or how about a blue cape that can double as a rain shawl? Go ahead - think outside the bag!

So what will you do with your extra Tosa Blue Recycling Bags?

Once in a while, I encounter a few things that remind me why I love Tosa. Sometimes it’s something small, sometimes funny, sometimes a little sad. Here are a few:

Can there be a more fun bakery experience than Cranky Al’s? If I have overnight guests or need to entertain with breakfast or brunch food, Cranky’s is a sure bet. I stopped in over the weekend and there was Al, greeting every guest. “Whaddya want?!” he playfully teased. I walked out with a giant box of donuts and a big smile – a bargain, if you ask me.

My average morning starts out with coffee. Lots of coffee. It also starts out with a trip outside so that Millie the wonder dog can “do her business.” Today, as I stood outside in the warm air under a dark sky littered with stars, I heard an unusual noise. It’s very quiet in the pre-dawn hours so I quickly looked around to find the source. There, galloping across my yard, were two deer. It was really cool. Oh and Millie never noticed.

Are there enough ways to express the community sadness over the future loss of Drew’s Variety Store? I loved the store, but I also love how the community is embracing this icon of days gone by and lamenting its loss. I guess it’s too late to save the store, but perhaps it’s not too late to save the feeling and know that we need more of it here in Tosa.

Sure, it’s a little more expensive than it used to be and yes, some of the sandwiches are decidedly swanky, but John Sandwich Shop is to Tosa restaurants what Drew’s is/was to Tosa retail. A gem - an adorable and quirky little place where you can watch the world go by and greet neighbors and friends. We’d be wise to keep it busy.

My kids have friends from many other communities throughout Milwaukee – Bay View, Brookfield, Waukesha, Menomonee Falls, just to name a few. Without a doubt, the village of Tosa is hands-down the favorite hang-out for teens. (And don’t let that scare you folks – I promise these are nice kids.) Sure, they could go to Mayfair, but when given a choice, these kids would much rather walk down to the village and grab a bite at Noodles or Pizzeria Piccola or walk through Hart Park discussing life. I feel really fortunate for this.

Treasures abound in Tosa. Little places or small experiences. What makes you love Tosa?

Along with my drab obsession with things that are too soon Christmasy, I’ve also recently taken a keen interest in driving. This is primarily because we have a fledgling driver in our house. What this means is that my knuckles are white, my right calf is sore from slamming down on my imaginary brake pedal and I’m frequently subjected to "driving criticism."

A typical ride in my car with my teen as a passenger sounds like this:

“You didn’t come to a complete stop.”

“You would have failed the test for that.”

“You’re speeding, Mom - jeez!”

And yes, I’m guilty of sometimes going a little over the posted speed limit. But I’ve also noticed that in certain areas, other drivers make me seem as if I’m driving a horse and buggy.

One of these areas is Wells Street, between 68^th and Hawley Road. I’ve spent a fair number of late afternoons parked on this street while I waited for my daughter’s music lesson to finish. I don’t think that I’m exaggerating when I say that 50 mph is the average speed on this street. Frankly, I’ve worried a few times that I’d get sideswiped.

There are a few other areas where it seems like drivers make up for lost time:

Wisconsin Avenue between 68^th and Hawley

Milwaukee Avenue between 83^rd and Church Street

Bluemound Road between Hawley and 68^th

124^th Street between Burleigh and North Ave.

Swan Boulevard between Watertown Plank and Menomonee River Parkway

Menomonee River Parkway between Swan and the Harmonee Bridge

I never had complaints about people speeding until I had to calm down a student driver who was being tailgated. I have to tell you, it’s not very fun.

Anyway, I guess my point is, it’s up to you whether or not you decide to speed. I’m just asking you to exercise caution when kids are around and patience when you are following teens that are learning to drive. I promise, we’ll be out of your way soon enough.

The other day, November 1^st to be exact, I was picking up my daughter from school at night. I flipped around several radio stations, ending up at 99.1 WMYX. They started playing Kenny Rogers’ version of Mary Did You Know.

“Hmmm...,” I thought to myself. “I thought this was a Christmas song. I must be wrong.”

But I wasn’t, because after Kenny came the Vince Guaraldi classic from A Charlie Brown Christmas – Christmas Time is Here. This was followed by a station promo, whereby alleged listeners proclaimed their joy at finding out that WMYX was playing Christmas music beginning on November 1^st.

I have a pointed question for these people: "What are you, crazy?!"

Excuse my blunt disregard for their supposed musical taste, but c’mon! Christmas music THREE weeks before Thanksgiving?!

I know that I get pretty crabby about holidays getting stretched out beyond their welcome. In my column in WauwatosaNOW, I’ve asked for a reasonable time period during which people display their holiday decorations. But this is WAY worse than that. This is taking a beloved holiday tradition – music – and beating it to death until people can’t stand it any longer.

Look, I don’t even listen to WMYX most of the time. I’m more of a sports radio listener. But sometimes WMYX is the only thing that my daughter and I can agree on. And once again, that’s exactly what it is. She can’t stand it either.

For a station whose tagline has been “The Mix Means Variety,” their switch to all-Christmas all the time seems like an annoying and misguided idea that is based upon anything but variety.

I hate to wish bad things upon good people (and I’m sure that the people at WMYX are good people.) But I hope this is a dismal financial failure. I hope that their next Arbitron report shows that people are not interested in Santa, Frosty or The Little Drummer Boy until after Thanksgiving.

For those of you who might think I'm being harsh, I dare you to listen to WMYX for an hour or two. Go ahead - 99.1. See how long it is before this drives you insane.

Or wait, here's another idea: This could be a brilliant new weapon in disciplining our children: "Behave or I'll make you listen to The Mix!"

Dear Drew’s:

Say it ain’t so! I heard the news today – oh boy. I can’t tell you how sad I am to hear that you’ll be closing your doors in January. And it’s not just me. When I drove carpool this morning, my daughter and her friend mourned the future loss of one of their favorite local retailers. Yes, that’s right – even teens adore you. We parents can’t get that kind of love.

Was it because I haven’t been in recently? I meant to, but we haven’t needed poster board or yarn or buttons or strange kitchen gadgets in the last couple of months. But if I did, I would have been there in a flash, happily wandering your aisles.

The thing is, what I loved about you is that you were always there – when I needed you and sometimes when I didn’t. Your kitchiness and eclectic mix of homespun and hard-to-find were exactly what we needed in a town where big box retailers are slowly taking over.

It must not have been fun for you these past few months with village streets and various construction projects taking their toll on your bottom line. We appreciate your steadfastness through it all.

I’m guessing that you didn’t come to this decision easily, but if there’s still room to reconsider, please do. As someone said so aptly in the Tosa Town Square, you are part of the fabric of Wauwatosa. With you gone, there’s a big hole in our village and in our hearts.

If it’s a done deal, then I guess all there is left to say is thank you. Thanks for being there for parents, kids and all Tosans. We will never forget you.

Your customer,

Karen