(Note: On September 5th, 2008, I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Tongue Cancer - Stage 4. Following is 2nd blog on my journey)
My wife, Colleen, and I left the doctor's office very quietly - she with her thoughts, me with mine. While driving home, I worked to create a superficial conversation centered on the few "positives" I believed Dr. Campbell had given us:
"It can be cured; it would have been Stage 3 if the mass was slightly smaller; you are otherwise in good health; it will be a combo of radiation and chemo; Froedtert has an excellent team:..." were a few of the comments recalled. My wife - the nurse, was silent. It was obvious her experience in dealing with worse-case scenarios was dictating her thought processes right then. And the car went quiet as I respected her need to internally think her husband's cancer through. Switching to a classic rock station didn't seem quite appropriate about then. And I was now alone with my thoughts...
"How do I communicate this with others when I don't fully understand nor have I absorbed the news delivered an hour before? Where do I resource good internet information on this cancer? Who do I call and in what order? How do I package the message to minimize the obvious concern which will be directed to our family? How am I with cancer?....And What/when/and how does this message get conveyed to my 3 kids ages 19 - 23?"
During the next day, independent calls were made to several trusted friends with medical resources. First - Who is the preeminent doctor for this somewhat rare, 3% of the cancer population, cancer? Second - What should we additionally be asking and is Froedtert the place? Third - Does Froedtert have a machine with IMRT (Intensity modulated radiation therapy) radiation capabilities? The answers were unanimous: Get Dr. Bruce Campbell (He diagnosed the cancer!) - Froedtert is the place and we now had many questions ready for them - Froedtert has a brand new IMRT linear accelerator which maximizes radiation with pinpoint, sub-millimeter precision to minimize damage to surrounding tissue.
I had frank discourse with Colleen on my desire to aggressively take on whatever treatment options were available, and my reliance on her to understand and interpret the myriad of medical terms, phrasings, etc to come. (Somehow I didn't feel my construction-related job experiences were good prep courses for the nuances of Latin medical terminology) The different possibilities surrounding the "What, When, and How do I tell people ranging from family to friends to business associates to casual acquaintances of this challenge?" were winnowed to being open, honest, and factual without self pity (Too late - I already have the disease) nor emotion (Let's get on, now, to a "Cure"). The sooner this moving-forward message could be personally delivered in this fashion, the better the hope to reduce concern from others (Most people have issues/challenges of their own and really don't need another cause for worry).
And suddenly I honestly felt better! We were not being totally reactive to the news of Cancer - we were now doing something productive and positive! We were looking ahead instead of hand-wringing and indulging the "what-ifs" of the prior day. Our paths of informed decision-making and self-advocacy were being mapped out.
The disease cancer, and the treatment towards a cure for my tongue cancer might control our short-term schedule, but it was not going to rule my life!
NEXT: Delivering the message... and more tests
