Oh, how fast the season approaches regarding Christmas time. Do you
recall your last holiday season? Are you similar to myself regarding
gifts? The last minute type of shopper? The promise that you will
shop earlier next year, possibly even beginning in January? Although
the intention is usually there, I know for a fact that each and every
year will be the same. Not even a New Years resolution could help with
this one...
Yet, this season, especially regarding the
economy, may be very different. I know for me it is. Having been
downsized has certainly changed my plans. Life as we know it changed
last September and being in the mortgage industry, well, let's just say
it hasn't gotten much better. Fortunately, I have very little debt,
but even shopping for food has changed in a way. I am blessed to say
that my children are old enough to understand, which is half the
battle. They know that we had to cut back on certain entertainment
items, but it has definitely brought us closer as a family.
Believe
it or not, I have made it a point to have a certain discussion with my
children a couple of times a year. Given the fact we are very close,
it is fairly easy for me to open up and begin this without needing
distractions of any sort. I consider it a gift. Not only to them, but
to myself as well. It's a sort of "home improvement" without the
interest rate. I am hoping the example I am going to present will be a
sort of gift for your family. In lieu of presents, feel free to make
this the most important one of all.
The one question I ask my
children is, "What can I do to improve our family?" Another way to put
it is, "Is there anything I am doing to push you away from me, or cause
you to not trust me?"
I think most of us as parents believe
we are doing our best, and I believe we are. Whatever works for you as
a mom or dad means that you are either getting positive results or your
children are for the most part behaving themselves. Although I may not
disagree with other parenting styles, it is really not my business.
Therefore, I usually keep my opinions to myself, unless you ask of
course!
Yet, how often do we ever consider our way may not be
the best way for everyone living in our home? I mean, I know as a mom
what I would like for my family. I know that I want my daughters to do
what is morally correct. I would like to see them get through high
school unscathed. I try my best to listen and sometimes bite my tongue
regarding the behavior of some of their friends. I think I am doing a
pretty good job and so far, my kids do as well.
I have to admit,
ever since they were very young I have always discussed sex within
marriage. Over time, as they got older, I became maybe a bit
over-zealous. I wanted to ensure they were hearing what I said and
hopefully would not stray from our original beliefs. I already had the
drugs and alcohol discussion down to a tee, so I was not worried so
much about that. Yet, it is has been quite the experience when I have
posed the above questions to my own daughters. Believe it or not, my
daughters honestly told me that I no longer had to talk about sex as
much. They said "they got it" and if they had questions, they would
ask me. Since then, I have pretty much backed off and respected their
request.
Another couple of requests my daughters brought to my
attention were mostly regarding personal space, our time together and
they believed in the past I "talked on the phone too much." I had to
remind them that as much as they need their friends, I need mine as
well. I do believe that at times they may be jealous that someone else
is getting my attention. Oh yes, they also stated that when I am writing my articles on
the computer I completely zone out. No matter what, when I am reading
or writing, it's true, I do zone out. I gently reminded the girls that
if they want my attention, to please walk up and pat me on the arm.
I
think the greatest gift I have given to my children is the fact they
can trust me. They know that they have a voice in our home. They
believe 100% that no matter what, I still love them. I accept them as
they are and believe in them. They know their voice matters and is
heard. They believe I will do everything in my power to ensure our
home is a safe place.
I believe the greatest gifts we can
give to our loved ones this holiday season is to re-establish our
relationships and vow to put 110% into each and every one of them. The
most important part of revising a relationship is to realize that it
takes one person to begin the process, YOU! Ask your children and your
spouse two questions. "What draws you towards me and what causes you
to run away from me?" Make a list of what you love most about one
another. It is so easy to point fingers and tell others what they have
done wrong or what you would like to see them doing different.
Remember, it is very important to be open and listen during this
process. Sometimes what our loved ones wish for us to change may be a
hard pill to swallow. No-one is perfect, nope, not even me! Each new
day gives us the opportunity to become new and improved.
I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season.
