I’ve been thinking a lot lately about words and how the use of them can be rather chess game-ish. If you know what you want and how to best say it to the people you want to hear you, points can be made and taken by your target audience. For example, the report card comments I wrote about last time. You can say what you want, transfer the information but avoid the drama some wording incites. If one can word report cards, work reviews, recommendations to make the sale of their ideas, I figured the same skills might work in the area of real estate, which as you know is going through quite the unnatural disaster.
With home sales being what they are I started thinking about how I could advertise my extremely modest (cheapest house in Shorewood) house to potential buyers. Just as in writing report cards, one must think of target audiences. I think for this particular home, that just might be the green people. Here’s how to make a recycled silk purse out of a Styrofoam pig’s ear.
The first thing one notices when approaching my front door is that there is no doorbell. There wasn’t one in 1989 when I bought the place, either. I just never got around to doing the wiring. Although it doesn’t send the friendliest of greetings, this could be added to the list of ways my green home saves electricity. There is also no backyard lighting, no dishwasher, garbage disposal or garage door opener. Well, there’s no garage either. The security lighting is in the eyes of my dogs who would be all too willing to give an intruder a very hard time. Washing dishes can be very calming and will be offered as a retreat from the fast pace of life. The sink will be described as a “water feature”, moistening the chi as it flows out the back door. The garbage disposal could be the old composting box in the backyard. My neighbor left it when she moved. Having no garage means I can’t accumulate much and tend to recycle things when spaces start to fill. This is another big plus.
I’ve always been eco-friendly and have a chemical free lawn. You probably have to pay extra for those these days. I’ve never put weed killer, Milorganite, fertilizer or green spray paint on the grass. Ignoring suburban responsibilities of garden manicuring and grass coaxing has rendered me a truly natural green space. I do have a gas mower, but only mow when the neighbors do so the pollution comes in one big long belch, rather than one every day of the week.
So how do I sell a four room, doorbell missing, garbage disposal lacking, dish washer free, garage-less little runt of a house? Call it green. Why, it’s practically usonium, in the Wright sense of the word. Hey, if you’re in the market for a house next year, keep me in mind. Live here and feel the power of the size 5 carbon footprint. Brag about how little energy you use, how calm you feel and how solicitors never ring your bell even when they see the “No Soliciting” sign right at eye height.
So, if you’re trying to sell your house this summer and it’s lacking some luster, some perks, some pazazz, I suggest you turn it all into attempts to be more green. Tell them you removed all the air conditioning, outdoor lighting, backyard pool and heated sidewalks to show you are a steward of the environment. Who knows?
Somebody just might buy it.
