I love “Supernanny“. Love the show, love the nanny. She says everything we all want to say to each other but want to hear from no one. “Supernanny” is the name of a so called reality show, the star of which is an English nanny named Jo. She is approachable, warm, open and dead on right. She’s actually a parent nanny, who makes a show of teaching parents to parent. She reminds me of my older sister, without the teasing and torment. She says it like it is.
As a parent, I would not have been able to handle the input. I was the kid in the pool trying to catch my next breath while filling my mouth with water churned by my own panicked thrashing. I would not have been a good co-star. I do appreciate the parents who acknowledge their problems and invite her in for a week of tough love to give and receive. As I watch, I am in disbelief about how naughty these kids seem to be. It may be just that they need big houses to film in, but most of these families seem pretty darn wealthy. But these naughty, possibly spoiled kids do what they want, when they want and to whom they want. They punch, whine, break, throw, scream and bully while parents either tune out, adapt or leave under the guise of having to go to work at their 80 hour a week jobs. The power in these homes is not imbalanced, as it ought to be, and the kids are the first to know it.
We’ve all seen this many times in families other than ours, of course. The kids who get what they want through threat of public embarrassment. The kids who take the power through great acting in the categories of pouting and crying, stomping and ranting and the ever popular arms crossed over chest mute refusal. As a teacher I think it’s funny when I see it, but as a parent, things didn’t seem that humorous.
I think this show is so popular because we all know that Supernanny is right. She makes the family a team, parents who are strong and clear, with children who have to do time when they do crime. The rules of civilized life are laid out, consequences of misbehavior determined and there is no negotiating, discussing, engaging or manipulation. Kids break a rule? There’s a warning. Break it again and it’s off to the naughty spot. Re-state the infraction and assume time in the penalty box. Kind of like hockey without the blades. After time is up, no lectures, no belittling, no apologies from the parent. Just one from the child. A hug and it’s over.
I see parents trying their best to handle children without seeming like ogres or pushovers but sometimes it just gets silly. We find ourselves saying things like, “Okay, I’m leaving without you! I mean it. I’m going!“ Come on, now. We know we’re not going to ditch the kid in the toy aisle of Target to make his way back to Shorewood with a nook and a teddy bear by himself. The kids know it too.
Parents need to be willing to set up boundaries, consequences and then follow through consistently. Moms and Dads need to work as teams, sending the same message and giving the same reactions. Single parents need to make clear to people involved in their children's care just what the standards are and what is acceptable behavior in your home. Children do like limits, although they’ll say they don’t. They appreciate being called on misbehavior, although they’ll swear they didn’t do anything wrong. They are constantly testing our backbones and are genuinely disappointed when we prove not to have one. They’ll try to engage us in negotiating, arguing, and defending our decisions and then wish for a stronger parent when we bite. They’ll never admit it, but as reflective adults we know that it’s true. So thanks, Supernanny. You have brought forward a problem shared by parents everywhere. Wussiness.
When Turn Off the TV Week is finally over and Supernanny is back on, invite her in. No one needs to know.
